The Improbable Trio
by VanitasFajitas
Summary: Stranded in the real world, Sephiroth, The Master, and Plankton decide to team up. What sort of devious plans will our three favorite evil masterminds cook up in this story? From stealing the Triple Whopper formula, to forming their own band, there is no limit to what these three could do (even if their powers don't work in the real world)! [Final Fantasy/Doctor Who/Spongebob]
1. Introduction

Author's Note: This first chapter is to show how the three of them arrived in the real world in the first place; otherwise, it's the introduction. :)

P.S.: The reason this is not listed in "crossovers" is because that would render this story basically impossible for anyone to find. This chapter isn't nearly as humorous as the others, because as I stated above, its purpose is to explain their arrival in the real world. Don't lose me on the first chapter, because I assure you, it gets better.

* * *

Plankton contemplated as he evaluated a formula for a duplicate Krabby Patty he had cooked up in the previous weeks. After attempting relentlessly to steal the formula countless times over the years, Plankton could not seem to win.

He had tried every trick in the book…literally. A year ago, he had purchased a paperback copy of "Conniving Evilly for Dummies". Everything resulted in hopeless failure. He had tried tricking the employees in various ways, disguising as a harmless Krusty Krab customer, mind control, and hundreds more. He couldn't comprehend what he had been doing wrong for all of those years.

It certainly wasn't possible to fail at _every single_ attempt, correct? At least _one_ of his schemes was bound to work, regarding how many he had both conspired and carried out. He pounded his tiny fists on the counter that he was standing on.

He considered that maybe it was the end, and it would be better for him to simply give up. But Plankton couldn't stand the thought of Krabs getting his way. Krabs was insatiable, disloyal, and careless. How was it that he was spoon-fed his success and fortune? Certainly not because he deserved it.

His life wasn't fit to even be called a "life". His time revolved around stealing the formula to a simple food item from a man who couldn't even utter the word "free", he was a single-celled organism, friendless and detested by the entire town of imbeciles just because he was sick of losing—he was married to a sarcastic _computer_, for God's sake! Maybe things would've wound up okay if he had lived in another town.

"No matter; being an evil genius such as I, I'll create an original, flawless arrangement in no time!" said Plankton reassuringly. His eyelid drooped. What was he saying? There wasn't any point in this.

"Maybe I'll just take up photography…" he murmured. Suddenly, he laid an eye on a gadget. It wasn't just any gadget. It was the machine he had created years ago in order to switch lives with Mr. Krabs. Maybe it still worked…

He jumped off of the counter and ran straight to it.

"Yes! This has been the answer all along!" he exclaimed. The first time he'd used it, he switched lives with Krabs. That was a disaster. This time, he planned to switch lives with not Krabs, not anyone in Bikini Bottom, but someone from another town. If he couldn't make it big here, surely he could have something of a life in another place.

He shuffled through the outlines of unspecified life forms until he came across a choice that he found seemingly copacetic.

"Well, here I go! Karen, I love you, I really do, but this is a take it or leave it opportunity!" said Plankton, his voice echoing throughout the empty laboratory. He had to use both hands in order to press the button that activated the machine. He was ready to switch lives with anyone…anyone who wasn't an occupant of Bikini Bottom.

A gasp emerged from Plankton when several sparks came out of the machine. It was malfunctioning. He examined it carefully until he notice the flow of steam coming from it. Plankton began to run for the door.

"It's gonna blow!" he shouted. _BOOM_! Too late.

"Wha…where am I?" he asked himself, brushing dirt from his charred legs. His head was spinning to a great extent. His jaw dropped. His surroundings were so…bizarre. He had never seen such a place in all of his years.

"What _is_ this place?" he shouted. Whatever the matter, his machine had backfired and sent him here. He would have to cope. Cars were rolling, culinary businesses were booming, the sun was shining brightly, and teenagers were diverted by a game of basketball taking place in an abandoned playground.

"Of all the unsightly horrors!" Plankton said in disgust, covering his eye. He was stepped on by a careless child chasing down their pet dog.

"Hey! Watch where you're going!" shouted Plankton as he recovered from being crushed for the thousandth time.

* * *

"No…it can't be…" murmured Sephiroth in dismay His face contorted in pain from the various blows he had taken critically from Cloud's oversized sword.

"Face it, Sephiroth, it's over!" said Cloud.

"You will never defeat me…" Sephiroth told him.

"Maybe that's true, but that won't stop me from getting rid of you." Cloud said. What was he implying? What did he mean "_getting rid of you_"? Cloud summoned an ominous portal of darkness and held Sephiroth up by the neck.

"What are you…doing?" choked Sephiroth.

"I'm sending you to a world without hope…a world worse than you could possibly imagine…" answered Cloud, throwing Sephiroth inside. The portal closed, locking Sephiroth out of Cloud's world for good.

Fallen to his backside, Sephiroth stood up and brushed a silver strand of hair away from his eye.

"Unimaginable…" he mumbled, observing the exotic city in front of him. He turned his attention to a billboard sign that read "**WELCOME TO CALIFORNIA**!" in gigantic text. Sephiroth had never seen anything like it. Cloud had damned him to this place on such short notice. _The nerve of that insolent little horror…_

He was standing beside a street packed with traffic.

"Such outlandish forms of transportation…" said Sephiroth. Without any deliberation, Sephiroth walked right into the street. Many of the cars at the intersection were stopped due to this inconvenience, and at the same time they were honking their car horns and shouting obscenities at Sephiroth.

"Hey, get out of the road, you transvestite! Some of us are in a hurry!" someone hollered from a silver Chevy. He stridently approached the shiny vehicle.

"What do you want, you loon?" asked the man. Sephiroth grasped the man's neck with his gloved hand.

"You dare defy in such a manner?" asked Sephiroth.

"N…no…" the man choked, ensuring that he didn't want any trouble with Sephiroth.

"That's what I assumed." Sephiroth replied, releasing his grip and continuing to walk across the street. All of the sudden, he felt someone take hold of his wrists from behind. He had been apprehended by local police officers.

"If you're gonna cosplay, don't do it in the street. Jay-walking is against the law." said the officer as he locked the cuffs. Sephiroth was perplexed to no end. What in the world was happening? What was this peculiar place? Who were these people that had such an eccentric way of life?

"Foolish subject of inferiority; you cannot restrain me." Sephiroth told him. He grinned malevolently as he prepared to consume the area in fire.

"Perish, now." he said calmly. _What? _Nothing happened. There was no fire. Everything remained the way it was five seconds ago. _Perhaps I'll make another attempt._ He did so. Still nothing…

"This is absurd! My dark ability has no limit!" Sephiroth shouted, struggling to break free from the handcuffs.

"Alright, enough already. Are you new in town?" asked the police officer.

"I must return to my home world. I was banished her by a rejecter of the darkness." said Sephiroth. The cop furrowed his brow and began taking him to the police car.

"We have a _special_ place for people like you." said the officer. With Sephiroth's sword sticking out of the back of his skirt, he was able to slide the cuffs across the edge and cut them loose. He ran off.

"HEY! WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING?" asked the police officer, chasing after him. The cop chased Sephiroth for an entire hour until; at last, Sephiroth had lost him.

"Phew…" Sephiroth panted, wiping sweat from his forehead. He hadn't any idea who the police were, but he assumed that they were assassins sent after him by Cloud. _Why, that blonde little nightmare…the next time I am granted the opportunity to…never mind, Sephiroth. Remember what that doctor told you about your blood pressure! Of course, after he did so, I brutally murdered him because he didn't give me a lollipop to take home with me…the nerve of that so-called "doctor". He was unfit to be in the fields of medicine! Not only did he forget to give me the lollipop, but he also forgot the Disney Princess sticker to go with it! What else am I supposed to decorate my windows with?_

Sephiroth's stomach growled. All of this mental-ranting was making him hungry. He peered from the wall that he was hiding behind only to see a large yellow "M" logo.

"McDonald's? What of the Chobocos is a 'McDonald's'?" he asked himself. It appeared to be a place of culinary service.

"I suppose I'll check and see if the tastes in which they offer are to my liking. If they do not bow to me and serve me with no charge, I shall smite thee with my sword." said Sephiroth.

* * *

_1, 2, 3, 4…1, 2, 3, 4…1, 2, 3, 4…1, 2, 3, 4…_

The Master tapped his fingers rhythmically to the sound of the drums. His wife had left him. After a year of living in fear, Lucy Saxon had finally gotten the guts to file in a divorce. It had rendered The Master dumbfounded. He sat in his favorite leather chair, enjoying a classic episode of Tele Tubbies, his favorite television program, and viciously baring his teeth into a perfectly innocent Twinkie.

He was relatively unaffected by the split, given that he had never truly cared for her in the first place. Without her, in fact, he felt that his life would be at ease. The Master's eyes widened in alarm when he noticed the TARDIS outside of his window.

"Inexcusable! I've caused no trouble since we last met!" The Master angrily stormed off to the TARDIS, with a sugar-fueled rant prepared for The Doctor. He knocked loudly on the doors. _No answer?_ He scrunched his nose and tried knocking again. He still failed to receive a response. The Master was just about to go back to his mansion when he heard the doors to the TARDIS creak open. He found the situation not to be trusted, but regardless, he entered into the TARDIS control room.

"This isn't the TARDIS!" The Master shouted angrily. It was a decoy. There was no control room that was bigger on the inside. It was simply an old-fashioned phone booth. There was one control, though. One small panel with three buttons. One button was red, one was blue, and one was green.

The Master couldn't deny that this piqued his curiosity at the least. What was the worst that could happen? He closed his eyes, reaching out his hand, and pressed the blue one. He instantly felt a brush of cold air.

"That must access the AC." said The Master. Saving the red button for last, he pressed the green one. To his surprise, music began to play.

"_I got the moves like Jagger, I got the moves like Jagger, I got the mooooooooves like Jagger!"_

Cringing, The Master said "Ugh! Such an annoyance! Someone stop that accursed, sorry excuse for music!" and pressed the green button. The music stopped playing, and he sighed with relief. There was no telling what the red button would do, but he pressed it, anyway. He began to hear that noise…the noise that the real TARDIS always made when it traveled somewhere. Was the decoy TARDIS actually going to take him somewhere? If so, _where_?

He was being thrown around from one side of the phone booth to another, silently cursing whoever had built the secluded space. At last, the false TARDIS ceased all motion. He had arrived. Head throbbing, The Master pushed the doors open.

"Interesting…it appears that I've merely been taken to another point on Earth. That isn't any use at all." The Master said inaudibly. There was a flier blowing in the wind, and it hit him in the face.

"Gaah!" he grunted, snatching it up and reading it.

"**Welcome to California, the proud home of Hollywood!" **The Master sighed and tossed the paper on the ground. He didn't have a car, and there was no guarantee that that phony TARDIS would take him back to England. How would he get back home? As he followed the sidewalk, someone dressed in a rather unconventional style carrying an empty Happy Meal box bumped into him.

"Excuse me, sir." The Master hissed. The oddly-dressed man scowled at him and drew a sword. The Master snickered loudly.

"Is it necessary to be carrying such a _long_ sword? With a weapon such as that, you could stab someone from a mile away!" said The Master.

"Move aside, insolent pest." he told The Master.

"Hold it; you look strangely familiar." The Master told him.

"How could I be of any recollection to anyone of this world?"

"I've sighted you on posters before." said the Master.

"Hmph. Surely you're mistaken, inferior life form." he told him. Sephiroth began walking again, and heard a slight crunching sound. He lifted his boot to reveal something small and green.

"Discarded gum?" asked The Master, who had been watching the whole thing. Sephiroth got down on his knees down to examine it more closely.

"Watch it, miscreant!" snapped Plankton.

"The creature can speak?" asked The Master.

"It seems so." said Sephiroth.

"Who are you calling a creature? Of course I can speak! And I'll have you know, I happen to be one of the most Machiavellian evil masterminds around!" Plankton protested.

"…evil?" asked Sephiroth.

"Why, yes! Being evil is by all means what I do best!" exclaimed Plankton.

"By evil, you are referring to tormenting the souls of others, mastering the art of dark ability, being ruthless no to end, killing remorselessly, and causing irrevocable destruction?" asked Sephiroth. Plankton blinked a couple of times. He had never partaken in such an advanced style of evildoings. This was a whole new level, and Plankton wanted to be a part of it.

"Yes, I am." said Plankton with an evil laugh.

"Hmm…who would I inflict misery upon in this world?" The Master told them.

"You are…lost…and away from home?" asked Sephiroth.

"Hahaha! I've been away from home for centuries!" exclaimed The Master. Sephiroth and Plankton stared at him like he was completely mad, which he was.

"It appears that the three of us are all villains lost to another world! But in this world, we could start anew!" said Plankton.

"Are you proposing that we join together to conquer this world?" asked Sephiroth.

"Yes! Together, with our sharp, twisted minds combined, we could _rule the world_!" Plankton shouted.

"I suppose there isn't anything else to do in this town." said The Master.

"Whaddya say?" Plankton asked Sephiroth. Instantaneously regretting his decision, Sephiroth agreed to join them.

"It's a deal! We start formulating our plan tomorrow morning!" said Plankton.


	2. Triple the Evil and Triple the Whoppers

In this chapter, the trio decides to steal the Triple Whopper formula!

* * *

Sephiroth, The Master, and Plankton gazed up at the McDonald's PlayPlace in front of them.

"Yes, this is perfect! This will do for our secret lair!" exclaimed Plankton. Sephiroth and The Master exchanged glances.

"Are you sure?" asked Sephiroth, who was secretly hoping that they would have some extra time to use the mat at the bottom of the slides to slide down faster.

"But, of course! Now let's go!" said Plankton. They came across a cubby that was meant for children to put their shoes in. There was a life-sized cut out of Ronald McDonald.

"Hmm…the rules state that adults can't play in the PlayPlace." said The Master, who was reading the sign above Ronald McDonald.

"Forget what the rules say! We're evil masterminds; we can break the rules all we want!" Plankton said.

"The second rule is that you must remove your shoes before entry." Sephiroth told them.

"Then let's go in with our shoes ON!" Plankton said excitedly. The two of them nodded in agreement, not seeing why they shouldn't. The Master was going to climb in through the bottom of the blue slide, but someone's child had left a pile of vomit there.

"Someone really should clean that up. I'll go through the yellow slide." said The Master, a repulsed look on his face. Plankton rolled his eye when he noticed that Sephiroth was actually entering the PlayPlace through the _entry_. Entering through the slides was against the rules, and being evil masterminds, they weren't supposed to _follow_ the rules and go through the _proper_ entry.

Nonetheless, they all made in inside. There was a fake, yellow helicopter hanging at the top of the PlayPlace. They were to meet inside of that helicopter. After climbing through various colored tubes and trying not to fall straight through the nets that they crawled over, the three of them finally got inside of the decoy helicopter.

With the extra weight of both Sephiroth and The Master, the helicopter creaked.

"Isn't being evil fun?" Plankton asked.

"You don't need to convince us. We were already evil to start with." said The Master.

"Will we begin conspiring for our next evil act, or are we just going to sit here all day along with the pungent smell of claustrophobia?" asked Sephiroth. They all fell silent when they noticed a small child staring at them. The kid was on all fours, about to enter the helicopter that the trio was sitting in.

"Eh hem." Plankton cleared his throat.

"Did you want something?" The Master asked the little boy.

"Uh…blueberry?" the boy said.

"What do you mean, 'blueberry'?" asked The Master.

"Uh…..raspberry?" said the child. Plankton slapped his forehead. He had been through this before. Or was it just déjà vu? A voice was heard from below the PlayPlace.

"Adam, get down here right down! I told you, it's time to go home!" said the child's mother.

"Okay, okay…" mumbled the little boy as he crawled out of sight. Before they left the PlayPlace area, his mom whispered to him.

"I thought I told you not to talk to people like that." she said. The helicopter began to rock slightly.

"I think we may be going over the weight limit." Sephiroth said. The Master began to turn a bit of a greenish color.

"My aching stomach…" he said to himself.

"What's the trouble?" asked Plankton.

"Air sickness….." answered The Master. Plankton was infuriated.

"WHAT? But this isn't even a real helicopter!" shouted Plankton. The Master began to feel woozy.

"If he insists that it makes him sick, let's just leave this PlayPlace." said Sephiroth. Unwillingly, Plankton agreed, and the three of them decided to continue their meeting at the eating tables beside the PlayPlace. Someone had left an unfinished Triple Whopper meal on the bench.

"What is this?" asked Sephiroth, taking a bite out of the Triple Whopper. His eyes widened at the satisfaction that his taste buds were experiencing. When he finished and swallowed, his mouth watered for another taste of the delicious burger.

"Master, you must taste this." said Sephiroth, handing it to The Master to try. When The Master took a bite out of the Triple Whopper, it brought an instantaneous smile to his face.

"This is tremendous!" he exclaimed. Plankton hopped up on his shoulder.

"Let me give it a try!" Plankton demanded.

"Help yourself." said The Master as Plankton jumped onto the Triple Whopper, opened his mouth as widely as possible, and chomped a large chunk off of it. He stood there, his feet sinking into the bun, mouth agape.

"In all my years, I've never tasted such marvelous work of the culinary arts!" whispered Plankton. _Forget the Krabby Patty formula! I've found a new target!_

"Well, it was a good burger, I suppose, but we should really be thinking up that evil plan." The Master said, preparing to throw the burger into a nearby trashcan. Plankton gasped, unable to bear the sight of such a lovely burger being discarded of. Just as The Master was about to do so, a sweaty man stopped him.

"Are you gonna eat that?" asked the man.

"Actually, I was planning to throw it away." said The Master.

"Could I have it?" he asked.

"Sure." The Master answered, handing him the half-eaten Triple Whopper.

"Thanks!" said the man, shoving the entire thing in his mouth and running off to the unknown.

"No! You imbecile! What were you thinking?" scolded Plankton. The Master raised his eyebrow, unsure of what Plankton meant.

"I was going to eat it…they didn't even ask me if I wanted it…." Sephiroth mumbled to himself, a distant expression on his face.

"What are you rambling on about, Plankton?" asked The Master.

"That burger is being torn to shreds by some overweight guy, while it _should_ be in a laboratory having its formula analyzed!" Plankton complained.

"I don't see what you're saying." said Sephiroth.

"But you will, soon enough, Seph!" said Plankton. Sephiroth had an aggravated expression on his face

"Do not refer to me as 'Seph' ever again, or else you shall feel the fury of a thousand suns." he warned.

"Okay, okay, I was trust trying to be casual." said Plankton. He cleared his throat. "Anyway, fellows, I have a plan."

"Go on." said The Master.

"We steal the Triple Whopper formula!" Plankton exclaimed. The Master and Sephiroth exchanged puzzled glances yet again.

"What's the benefit of that?" asked The Master.

"The burgers _are_ quite delicious, and we would at least be dominating over something." said Sephiroth. Plankton grinned.

"See, Master, Sephiroth's catching on!"

"Hmm…well, he's correct…they are exceedingly tasty…" The Master considered whether this plan was complete genius or absolutely ludicrous.

"Then what do you say? Are you guys in, or not?" asked Plankton.

"I don't see why not." said Sephiroth.

"I'll participate, as well." said The Master. Plankton smiled spitefully.

"Perfect! Now here's what we do…"

* * *

"I can't believe we're actually working at this horrendous place." Sephiroth complained. The Master chuckled briefly and adjusted his McDonald's apron.

"I couldn't agree more. I'd rather work at a gas station than here." The Master said. They had all agreed to Plankton's idea. The three of them would become employees at McDonald's to gain the trust of the staff, and ultimately it would result in them snatching up the formula and using the money to dominate the world. Truth be told, Plankton was the only one who expected it to work.

"Where is that miniscule control freak, in the meantime?" asked Sephiroth. He was very unhappy about having to change his attire. _I looked so intimidating…now I just look like an idiot…that outfit is one of a kind. _He had dropped it off at the cleaners' before he begun his first work shift. _If they ruin my outfit, I will end them. I hope that they add a touch of pink to my skirt…hmm…and perhaps even glitter. That would be glorious. _

"He's working one of the cash registers." answered The Master.

"Hmph."

"He gets the easy job…" murmured The Master. Sephiroth poured a scoop of fries into a large cup.

"Am I doing this correctly?" he asked. The Master examined the cup of fries.

"I think so." he said in reply.

"Very well." Sephiroth said, dispensing some ice cold soda into a Happy Meal box. Soda began pouring out of the holes in the corners of the box. He took a step back before the drink landed on his shoes.

"Gaah! Master, could you call that Amy girl? She'll clean this up." Sephiroth asked. Amy was the Plankton's co-cashier. _Why would they have those holes in the boxes if the beverage is just going to pour out?_

* * *

_Meanwhile with Plankton and Amy_

"Hey, there, er…" Plankton stopped to glance at her nametag. "…Amy…" he greeted, leaning on his arm.

"Hi there, Plankton. Did you have a question about working the cash register?" asked Amy.

"Oh, no, just a friendly conversation." said Plankton. Strangely, Amy did not question the fact that her co-cashier was a talking green sea creature.

"Have you ever worked at a restaurant before?" asked Amy.

"Why, yes, I've been in the food service business for over ten years!" Plankton explained, in an attempt to impress Amy. She raised an eyebrow.

"Oh, really? So, what made you decide to become a cashier at McDonald's?" she asked, sounding slightly sarcastic.

"Well, uh, I guess I was just ready to settle down, but I still wanted some extra money coming in." he told her.

"Interesting…" muttered Amy, arranging change inside of the register.

"You know, Amy, I think that you and I have a lot in common." Plankton said.

"Oh, we do?" she asked, trying to at least sound like she was intrigued by his implication.

"Why, yes. _I'm_ a cashier, _you're_ a cashier. _I'm_ a murderer, _you're_ a murder—" she interrupted him.

"Whoa! What do you mean by 'murderer'?" Amy asked.

"Well, doesn't this job require the slaughter of countless cows and chickens?" asked Plankton. She tried to hold back laughter.

"Sir, I'm just a cashier." she told him.

"But, you see…" Plankton was interrupted yet again.

"Sorry, sir, I just got a call that says there's a spill in the kitchen. I have to go clean it up." Amy said as she went through the door leading to the kitchen.

"Wait! I thought we were making a connection, here!" cried Plankton. _For cryin' out loud…why doesn't anyone listen to me? Is it because I'm too small and feeble? All it is today is appearances, appearances, appearances. Yesh…people these days…_

* * *

_In the kitchen with Sephiroth and The Master_

Sephiroth had just soaked the top bun of a McDouble with mayonnaise, while The Master was placing some McNuggets in someone's vanilla milkshake to give them an extra special treat. They had no clue how they were actually supposed to assort the orders.

The both of them heard a door open.

"Where's the spill?" asked Amy, a washrag in hand. Sephiroth pointed it out, and she wiped it clean in about three seconds flat. _She's very skilled at cleaning. Perhaps she could be our evil cleaning lady…_thought Sephiroth.

"Well, bye." said Amy as she exited the kitchen and resumed her duties at the cash register. Sephiroth rushed to the stove when he heard the beeper sound.

"This can't be!" he shouted.

"What's wrong?" asked The Master.

"My patties have burned to a crisp!" Sephiroth complained. The Master snickered.

"Did you remember to flip them?" he asked. Sephiroth gave him a 'what-in-the-world-are-you-talking-about' look.

"You're supposed to…flip the patties?" asked Sephiroth, clenching his fists. _Why? Why did they have to die this way? _

"How about I take cooking duty for now?" The Master suggested. _At least if I agree to this, I won't have to dispose of the patties myself._

"That would be fine." said Sephiroth, fluffing up his chef's hat.

"Where did you get that hat, anyway? It doesn't come with the uniform." The Master asked. Sephiroth had a faint smile on his face.

"I stole it from the cleaners'." he said in reply.

"Plankton would be proud, I must say." said The Master. Sephiroth ignored the comment, for he couldn't care less of what Plankton thought of him. The way Sephiroth saw it, Plankton was an amateur to the whole evil mastermind thing.

When Sephiroth was organizing a meal, he accidentally stuck his hand in the boiling oil that the French fries cooked in. He clenched his teeth at the feel of the burn and silently cursed the instrument of cooking.

"How dare you!" he shouted, drawing his sword and slicing the entire thing in half, causing blistering oil and undercooked fries to spill out onto the ground. The Master face-palmed.

"We're going to get fired, thanks to you." he snapped. One of the employees stormed into the kitchen and widened their eyes at the mess.

"What do you think you're doing?" he asked Sephiroth.

"It burnt my hand, and I punished it." Sephiroth said in reply. The employee looked both very confused and very irritated.

"If you get burnt, just be more careful! Don't destroy the restaurant's property!" he scolded.

"And why should I abide by _your_ insignificant orders?" challenged Sephiroth.

"Because if you don't follow the rules, I'll tell the boss, and he'll fire both of you!" warned the employee. The Master raised an eyebrow.

"_Both_ of us? But I didn't do anything! It was Sephiroth!" he whined

"I don't want to hear it. You can save your excuses for later. Expect a call to the boss' office later today!" said the employee as he exited the kitchen. The Master sneered in Sephiroth's direction.

"Good going, Sephiroth, now we're both in deep trouble. How will we ever get the formula, now?" he asked.

"Instead of carrying out a detailed, complicated plan, why not just take a Whopper home with us? We're allowed to purchase them ourselves." Sephiroth said.

"You're right. Why did Plankton insist we do it the hard way?" The Master asked.

"Hmm…"

* * *

_Punishment_

"Sephiroth, to my office this instant!" demanded a firm voice. The Master patted him on the back.

"It was nice knowing you, Sephiroth." he said. Reluctantly, Sephiroth entered the boss' office.

"Have a seat." said the boss. Sephiroth was terrified by the size of the smile on his face. Why was he smiling like that?

"Excuse me for asking, but, why are you so cheerful?" asked Sephiroth. The boss grunted.

"My apologies if it bothers you; I had an overdose on Botox." said the boss. Sephiroth glanced over his desk only to acknowledge Plankton sitting on a stack of papers.

"Is Plankton acting as a paperweight?" Sephiroth asked.

"HEY!" Plankton protested. The boss snickered stridently.

"Why is he here?" he asked his boss.

"Plankton, here, has been cheating people and overcharging them for meals…_not to mention_ that he forgets to include the toy with Happy Meals!" the boss answered. Sephiroth shot Plankton a look.

"You _forgot_ to include the toy? Absolutely deplorable!" said Sephiroth to Plankton.

"How could I help it? The toys are bigger than I am!" said Plankton in his own defense.

"Let's not forget you, Sephiroth. You've damaged property, and if you're not going to pay the expenses, we're going to fire your can out of here!" warned the boss. The three of them looked behind them as they heard the door creak open.

"You called?" asked The Master.

"Yes, yes, I did." said the boss.

"How did you do that? We didn't hear you call The Master!" Plankton asked. The boss smiled.

"I did it telepathically." he said in reply. The trio stood there, open-mouthed, amazed by such an act.

"Impossible…" murmured The Master.

"Could you teach me how to do that?" asked Plankton. The boss slammed his fists on the desk.

"I DIDN'T REALLY DO IT, YOU IMBECILES! I WAS BEING SARCASTIC!" the boss shouted.

"You don't have to be rude about it." said The Master. Sephiroth stood from his chair and approached his boss.

"I refuse to pay expenses to the likes of you." he said.

"Sephiroth, what are you _doing_?" asked Plankton. He didn't want to watch yet another one of his plans crumble to ashes. The Master gasped mentally when Sephiroth slapped his boss across the face. The boss, his cheek then glowing red, sat in silence for a moment, mouth agape. Had his employee really just done that to him? He began fidgeting in a quirky manner—his fingers scratching up and down the glass on his desk, his eye twitching, his teeth grinding…he had hardly expected such behavior.

Just as he was on the verge of cracking, he calmed his temper and calmly remarked "You three have been something else."

"You're surrendering?" asked Sephiroth. That did it.

"THAT'S IT! YOU THREE ARE FIRED! GET OUT OF HERE!" he said.

"Try and make us." Sephiroth said. Suddenly, the trio ran to the kitchen, and the boss chased after them.

"What are you doing?" asked the boss. Sephiroth took a patty and threw it in his face, knocking him backward against the door.

"Okay, if that's how you want to play it!" shouted the boss. The boss took the nozzles from the drink machine and began spraying the beverages out of them like machine guns. Sephiroth ducked behind the counter, but a stream of lemonade knocked Plankton down. The Master took a container of hot mustard, ran behind the boss, and squirted it down his pants.

"AAAH! IT BURNS!" the boss cried. While the two of them were diverted, Plankton rolled out in miniature tank he had created when he snuck into McDonald's overnight. The tank was armed with ice cream cones. Plankton laughed evilly, shouted "FIRE AWAY!" and began to shoot the pointy cones at the boss.

The boss somersaulted across the kitchen, trying to avoid the cones flying at him. The boss smirked when he got hold of a ketchup container. He stood up quickly and squirted it at Sephiroth's long hair.

"Oh no! It's going to take me ages to get this out of my hair!" Sephiroth said in a panic, sticking his head in the sink and hopelessly attempting to wash out the ketchup. While he was doing so, the boss crept up behind him and gave him a wedgie. Sephiroth elbowed him in the stomach and ran for the ice machine.

The Master took a handful of fries, which he planned to toss at the boss to distract him. As he was preparing to do so, he decided to eat one. Soon, one became two, two became three, and three became all of them. The Master flicked his hands at the boss, expecting him to become covered in fries, but nothing happened. _Drat, I got carried away and ate all of the bloody fries…_he thought.

Sephiroth had opened the lid to the ice machine. He grabbed the boss by the shoulders and pulled them into the pool of ice cubes. The two of them wrestled each other in the ice, but neither of them was winning.

Rather than helping, The Master and Plankton just sat there and watched.

"My money's on Sephiroth." said Plankton.

"Really? I think that the boss is going to wipe the floor with Sephiroth!" The Master exclaimed.

"I heard that!" Sephiroth grunted as he struggled to keep the boss pinned down. The boss roared, ripped off both his jacket and his shirt, shouted "GTS!" and the rest The Master and Plankton couldn't see. The Master stood taller, Plankton sitting on his scalp to have a decent view, and they both checked to see what was going on.

"I don't see Sephiroth. He may have lost." said The Master.

"Are you sure?" asked Plankton. The boss pounded his fists against his chest and shouted "YES! I WIN!"

All of the sudden, a hand emerged from the ice and pulled the boss down by the leg.

"Wha—" his words were caught off when Sephiroth punched him in the jaw. Normally, Sephiroth would've used his sword at a time like this, but his weapon had been confiscated before his job interview for McDonald's. _No one takes away my baby!_

Without warning, three large, burly guards stormed into the kitchen and picked up Sephiroth and The Master by the hair (and Plankton by the antenna). They carried them to the exit door and kicked them onto the street.

"And stay out!" one of them shouted. The three of them were covered in condiments, and napkins were sticking all over their clothes. Sephiroth's skin had gone ghostly pale from being in the ice tub for too long. His teeth began to chatter involuntarily.

"Hey, guys?" asked Plankton.

"Yes?" asked The Master.

"Let's forget about that Triple Whopper formula." he said.

"Agreed." Sephiroth and The Master said in unison.


	3. Just a Friendly Game of Go Fish

Author's Note: My apologies that it took so long for me to update. I'm not sure when the next will be.

* * *

"Go fish" said Plankton. Sephiroth glared at him.

"You cheated." he said.

"I most certainly did not!" protested Plankton.

"You've been cheating the entire time." said Sephiroth. Steam began to rise from the top of Plankton's head.

"How could you _cheat_ in Go Fish?" he asked.

"You seem to know." Sephiroth told him. Plankton threw the miniaturized cards in Sephiroth's faced and jumped off of the table.

"Fine! I cheated! I admit it!" said Plankton. Sephiroth added the cards to the organized pile in his lap and smirked.

"I thought so." he said. The two of them were waiting for the Master to return to their newly-rented hotel room, as opposed to the "lair" that they wanted in McDonald's, from grocery shopping, and to pass the time, they had played just about every card game every created. Sephiroth took a sip from his soda can.

"I don't recall it ever taking _men_ so long to get shopping done." said Sephiroth. Plankton raised his one eyebrow.

"I didn't know you knew what shopping was, Sephiroth." he told him. Sephiroth chuckled briefly.

"I once burnt down a village that had many small shops." he said.

"I once overthrew my hometown, and controlled the minds of every citizen!" Plankton said.

"Good times…" Sephiroth murmured. They heard the front door slam open. The Master had returned, and he was facing backward.

"It's about time!" Plankton complained. The Master smiled and turned around, revealing a wooden basket. The contents inside were obscured by a blue blanket.

"That basket looks a bit small to be carrying six hours worth of groceries." said Sephiroth. The Master began to laugh hysterically, frightening Plankton and Sephiroth to no end.

"Are you okay, buddy?" asked Plankton. The Master composed himself and his laughter died down.

"Yes, I'm very well, thank you." he answered. The Master set the basket down on the coffee table.

"At long last…I'm famished." said Sephiroth, reaching his hand out to pull the blanket away.

"NO!" shouted the Master, causing Sephiroth to spit out his Pepsi.

"Why not, Master? I've been dying for those Totino's Pizza Rolls." Sephiroth told him. The Master couldn't find a good excuse to convince Sephiroth otherwise.

"Um…well…" he stammered. Sephiroth arched his eyebrows.

"Are you saying you…didn't…buy the pizza rolls?" he asked slowly, in an attempt to keep his temper under control.

"I…" Sephiroth stopped his foot on the carpeted floor.

"YOU DIDN'T GET ME PIZZA ROLLS? I WROTE IT DOWN ON YOUR SHOPPING LIST! I HAVEN'T EATEN IN DAYS, MASTER. THE LEAST YOU COULD DO IS GET ME SOME PIZZA ROLLS!" Sephiroth roared, clutching the Master's tie.

"Actually, I've been trying to tell you…I didn't purchase any groceries." said the Master. Sephiroth shut his eyes tightly and took in a few deep breaths.

"You…didn't…get…groceries?"

"Hey! What about those vanilla wafers I wanted?" Plankton complained.

"Please, Plankton, those cookies are larger than yourself. Now let me explain…" the Master began.

"You were gone for six hours, Master. What could you have _possibly_ been doing all of that time?" asked Sephiroth. Sephiroth and Plankton glanced at the basket when they heard a strange noise.

"Did you hear that?" asked Plankton.

"_Meeoooww_"

"Was that a…snail?" Plankton asked. The Master looked at him as if he were the biggest imbecile on Earth.

"Snails don't meow! Why would you think such a thing, you mediocre dunce?" insulted the Master.

"They do where I come from." said Plankton.

"I was initially going to keep it a secret, but I suppose I'll have to tell you now. I was on my way to Food Lion when I came across a local animal shelter. I saw this basket of poor, homeless kitties in the window and…they just called out to me!" the Master said, removing the blanket from the basket. Sephiroth and Plankton gazed upon six white kittens.

Plankton wiped a tear from his eye.

"Never in my days…" he murmured. Sephiroth turned his head in the other direction, trying to elude showing vulnerability. _So…cute…I must…resist…_

The Master held out a little, white kitten for his partners to admire.

"I call this one 'Tinky Winky'!" he declared. Sephiroth raised a silver eyebrow.

"_Tinky-Winky_? As in the multitask of tinkling and winking simultaneously?" he asked.

"No, I named him in honor of my favorite fictional character." the Master explained. . _Yes, perfect. We shall raise the kittens as our own, and one day, they will lead us to successive world-domination, _Plankton thought to himself, doing the evil finger-drumming-gesture best he could (he didn't necessarily have 'fingers'.)

"Let's see if he knows anything about world domination!" exclaimed Plankton.

"That's an excellent idea!" said Sephiroth. He scratched the cat on his belly.

"Hello, kitten, can you say 'demise'?' he asked. The kitten blinked.

"I don't think it can talk, Sephiroth." said the Master.

"Plankton is an animal, as well as this cat, so I'm sure that he'll be able to partake in speech, as well." he said in defense of the cat's speech. The Master put Tinky Winky back in the basket and picked up an orange kitten.

"We'll teach Tinky Winky about evil some another time, but as of now, this is Gingy." the Master announced in a baby-voice, scratching the perplexed feline behind its soft ears.

"Can I _pet_ it?" asked Plankton.

"Whenever you like." answered the Master, setting the kitten on a cloth on the table.

"_Mew" _he uttered.

"Check this out, Sephy!" said Plankton. Reluctantly, he complied, leaning down so that he was eye-level with the kitten. Suddenly, the kitten began to widen his eyes. Watching them glisten and water nearly brought tears to Sephiroth's eyes. Sephiroth, himself, began to mimic the eye-widening.

The kitten inquisitively stared back into his moist, cyan eyes. Sephiroth parted his lips slightly, beginning to quietly sing "_and I, will always love you", _a lyric from a Whitney Houston song that was playing in the hotel lobby when they rented the room this morning.

"_Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow," _the cat "sang" back. Plankton reached out a stubby arm to pet Gingy. The Master picked him up by the antenna.

"Hey! What was that for?" Plankton protested.

"Sephiroth and Gingy are having a moment, here! Don't interrupt!" whispered the Master. Sephiroth reached out a hand, and just when he was about to stroke the fur of Gingy, the cat, it _stood up_ on its hind legs!

"What?" the Master gasped. The cat pulled out a little sword from behind his back and pointed it at Sephiroth.

"What is the meaning of this?" asked Sephiroth.

"It is I, Puss in Boots." said the cat in his Hispanic accent.

"You aren't wearing any boots." said the Master.

"Silencio!" demanded Puss, placing his sword against the Master's neck.

"But, Gingy!" Sephiroth began. Puss pulled his sword away from the Master and aimed it back at Sephiroth.

"Yo no soy este Gingy que hablas de! Gingy es un amigo mío, pero yo, yo soy el infame Puss in Boots! ¿Ahora, usted tiene cualquier últimas palabras, mi amigo enfermo de amor?" said Puss, lightly pressing the tip of the sword against Sephiroth's nose. He contorted his face in bafflement. What on Earth was Puss saying?

"Does anyone know what the barnacles this guy is saying?" asked Plankton.

"Allow me." answered the Master.

"You speak Spanish?" Plankton asked, just to be sure.

"I'm a Time Lord. I speak everything." he clarified.

"Whatever works for you…" Plankton murmured. The Master kneeled so that he was face-to-face with the Puss in Boots and began to try and negotiate.

"¿Está seguro de que no podemos venir a algún tipo de norma?" he asked. Puss tapped his chin for a brief moment.

"Sólo asocio con mis amigos, y no es ciertamente amigos míos, me compra un refugio de animales!

Sólo asocio con mis amigos, y no es ciertamente amigos míos, me compra un refugio de animales!" the cat protested. Wrinkling his forehead, the Master tried and improvised.

"Pero, creo que de los beneficios de usted unirse a nuestro grupo! Podemos protegerle de perros, le da una vida de lujo y aún toda la leche que usted desea!" he offered to Puss. Plankton jumped up on Sephiroth's shoulder.

"Do you have any idea what these guys are saying?" he whispered through his teeth.

"Not the slightest clue." he mumbled. Puss growled maliciously at the Master.

"Estoy muy bien de mí protección contra los peligros de caninos. De hecho, me enviar a correr a sus madres cada vez! Y en cuanto a la leche, bien, he desarrollado una desafortunada intolerancia a productos lácteos." the cat explained.

"What's he saying? Has he agreed?" Plankton asked.

"He's a stubborn little kitty-cat." said the Master.

"Hmph. Aficionados…" Puss muttered to himself.

"How about we just speak in English, for now, so we can _all_ get a word in?" suggested Plankton.

"Fine. As you wish." agreed the cat.

"Alright, now that we've come to a slight _agreement_, how should we settle our differences?" asked the green, single-celled organism. The pussycat flashed them an impish grin, revealing his sparkling-white, razor-sharp teeth.

"A tradition for the Hispanic felines." he said. The trio all raised their eyebrows.

"What are you implying?" Sephiroth asked.

"A singing competition, but not just any singing competition. I will give your silver-haired friend a set of lyrics to translate into Español, and if he can translate enough lyrics correctly, he wins the match. If you win, I will spare you and return home." the cat explains.

"Hmm…I'm not sure if I…"

"If you forfeit the match or don't participate, you lose, and if you lose, you will regret the day you crossed the Puss in Boots." he warned. The Master thought that perhaps he could telepathically give the answers to Sephiroth. He began to think, looking Sephiroth straight in the eye. _Don't worry, Sephiroth, I'll send you the answers through psychic communication. _

"Why are you looking at me like that? Did I do something to offend you?" he asked the Master. _Alright, telepathy doesn't work, _he thought with defeat.

"Do you accept the challenge?" asked Puss.

"Yes." said Sephiroth, no hesitance evident in his tone. The pussycat put on a pair of his dancing boots and began to sing in Spanish, just as he had told that he would.

"Dime todo lo necesario para dejarte ir. Dime cómo el dolor debía para ir." Puss didn't sing it in the correct tune, thinking of the risk that Sephiroth may have known the song, and if he did, that would give away the lyrics. Of course, being new to the real world, Sephiroth did _not_ know the song, let alone any songs that the Puss may have been planning to sing. _Tell me what it takes to let you go. Tell me how the pain's supposed to go. I didn't know the cat was familiar with Aerosmith, _thought the Master.

"Can you translate for me, sir?" asked the cat. Sephiroth began to perspire.

"Um…um…Dime and dodos lost to the necessary part of the jar? Dime is in a coma, and the ill dollar be part of the jar?" he guessed. That's basically what the Spanish words sounded like to him.

"Your answer is, eh, incorrect." said Puss.

"Fishpaste!" shouted Plankton.

"Alright, move on to the next lyric." Sephiroth ordered.

"Very well." the cat cleared his throat. "Tener el tiempo de nuestras vidas hasta que alguien diga, perdóname si parecen fuera de línea..." he sang. _Having the time of our lives until somebody say, forgive me if I seem out of line...more Aerosmith? This should grow obvious at some point, _the Master thought.

"Well, I would think…tenor and ill tempo, the nuisance videos has to cue algae divas, for their name sees pardon fire of the lions?" he guessed, yet again. The Master slapped his forehead. _Imbecile…that doesn't even make any sense…what is this, a game of improv card-reading?_

"Incorrect, yet again, sir." said the cat. Sephiroth stomped his foot against the carpet.

"Not to worry, there is still one remaining lyric." he reassured.

"Alright."

"Eh-hem, Hablando de lejos. No sé lo que quiero decir. Lo diré de todos modos. Hoy no es mi día a encontrarte. Rehúyen lejos. Te viene por tu amor, está bien?" sang Puss in Boots. _Talking away, I don't know what I'm to say. I'll say it, anyway. Today isn't my day to find you, shying away. I'll be coming for your love, okay? This is "Take On Me" by a-ha! Why are cats so intrigued by 80s and 70s music? _The Master pondered this.

Inhaling deeply, Sephiroth took another attempt at translating the lyrics,

"A bland, alleged, nosey, low cue. Where-o-differ? Low tire, the dodos motives' toy no estimate to ya' concentrate. Red-hued Legos, the vine poured two armor, except being?"

"And that translation is….." the trio widened their eyes (well, Plankton widened his _eye_) in anticipation.

"Incorrect." Puss in Boots told them.

"What are the consequences of my failure?" asked Sephiroth. Puss kicked off his dancing boots and began to file his claws against the edge of the table. Without much warning,

"Meow!" he growled, jumping onto Sephiroth's face and clawing away. As the cat scratched, he ran aimlessly around the room, knocking over quite a number of books and vases (and the Master).

"GET THIS CONFOUNDED CREATURE OFF OF ME!" he shouted. The Master stood up and brushed the lint and dust from his pants. _I wish I still had that maid who owned a lint-roller. It really came in handy. _He ran to his skirt-wearing friend and tried his best to pry the cat from his face.

"I can't pull him loose. His claws are in too deep!" he exclaimed, wincing at the thought of it. _Good Lord, I'm glad that isn't me, _thought the Master. The pussycat growled, yet again, and jumped to the Master's face. Angry, red cuts trailed down Sephiroth's cheeks. _I want mommy. Mommy always made my boo-boos all better, that's why I burnt down a village in her honor, _he thought.

"SOUR FATHER TIMOTHY DALTON, IT HURTS!" the Master shouted.

"Gracias, amigo!" shouted Puss in Boots, flipping backward so that he landed precariously on the edge of the table. Sword handy, he eyed the Master and Sephiroth in an elfin manner. Sephiroth lunged forward, knowing that it was likely of him being able to disarm the cat.

"Good try, amigo." said Puss. He grabbed Sephiroth's wrist with two furry fingers and flipped him over on his back. The cat laughed stridently, listening to his incompetent opponent groan in agony.

"No one inflicts such pain upon any friend of mine!" yelled the Master. He took a novelty gun from the wall and aimed it at the cat.

"Mrow?" Puss asked, cowering against the scratchy carpet. Slowly, the Master approached the pussycat and pressed it to his triangular ear. Puss widened his eyes best he could, immediately getting sympathy from the Master. _He looks so cute. I could never hurt him._

"Snap out of it!" shouted Plankton.

"Of course." replied the Master, preparing to pull the trigger. He did so, only to realize that there was a slight fault in the plan.

"Nonsense! Is this gun out of ammo?" he asked, turning it upside down. He tried shooting the cat, again. Still, nothing.

"Perhaps I've forgotten how to use this thing. It _has_ been awhile."

"Erm, Master."

"Not now, Plankton, I'm trying to figure out how to use this piece of garbage."

"Well, you see."

"Don't make me have to tell you twice."

"You really should know…"

"I ALREADY GAVE YOU A WARNING! CAN'T YOU SEE THAT I'M BUSY?" he shouted.

"Well, it's just that, while you were attempting to figure out how to work that toy weapon, the feline got away!"

"_Toy_ weapon?" he asked, arching an eyebrow. Sephiroth tilted his face up a bit. He saw pretty birdies spinning around his head.

"Finland!" he shouted.

"What?" the other two asked in unison.

"Where's the leak, ma'am?" he asked before fainting against the carpet.

"I think that we should agree never to trust cats, again." said the Master.

"I would think, so." said Plankton.

* * *

Author's Note: Did you catch the reference to the Harry Potter fanfiction: "My Immortal"?


End file.
